


fleeting

by Anonymous



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Curses, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:28:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23599132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: it's simi time
Relationships: Kimi Räikkönen/Sebastian Vettel
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20
Collections: Anonymous





	fleeting

"I can't touch you," said Sebastian, the very first thing he told Kimi after the older had bared his soul to him.

He steeled himself for the rejection that was sure to follow, only it didn't come. Kimi merely raised a gloved hand to rest it on his cheek, the faux leather oddly soft when it touched him. It wasn't as nice as actual skin-to-skin contact, but it was something. Most people didn't even dare to approach Sebastian, fearful of the threat that was his Curse.

"I know," Kimi replied nonchalantly. "I don't care."

 _I do,_ thought Sebastian. He cared a lot, cared so much that it hurt because he was afraid he'd harm Kimi. Every second they spent together, he was forced to remind himself that he could kill Kimi with a mindless brush against his neck, a gentle tap on his wrist.

His own parents hadn't spoken to him in years, not that they were to blame. Sebastian kept them at bay, both physically and emotionally. It was lonely, he cried himself to sleep more often than not, and he sometimes heard footsteps leading to and away from his room. He knew his parents wanted to provide him comfort, wanted to reassure him that everything would be okay. He wouldn't let them, it was his burden to bear.

After all, it was his fault. He shouldn't have ventured into the woods without his pendant. The boys from school kept taunting him, calling him a weakling, he only wanted the bullying to stop. _I'll do anything,_ he had begged, and with the most sinister grins on their faces, they swore to never lay a finger on him again if he promised to hide between the looming trees for an hour during the next full moon.

 _On one condition,_ sneered the ringleader, _you can't bring your amulet with you._

They never bothered him again, not after they found out he was Cursed. In a way, he got what he wanted. They left him alone.

So did everyone else.

( _"Let us see you. Please," his mother sobbed._

 _"Go away! I don't want to talk to you! Any of you!"_

_Months went by, they eventually stopped trying to get their son back. It was awful, Sebastian spiraled out of control and destroyed half of his room, but he brought it upon himself. He didn't deserve their love, their affection._ )

Until Kimi came along, effortlessly knocking down the walls Sebastian had put up. It scared him, he had been so sure that the Finn would run in the other direction. The people around them did warn Kimi, _touch him and you're dead_. Sebastian heard the whispers, noticed the wary stares. He was Cursed, not dumb. He didn't bother fighting back, there was a part of him that agreed with them.

Kimi, on the other hand, Kimi fought tooth and nail to get the message across. In rusty German, he'd yell, _Sebastian is not a monster, you are._ Gone was the person who used his words sparingly. If Sebastian wasn't struggling to squash his ever-growing feelings for Kimi, he would've been flattered.

Arguments punctuated the history of their friendship, and Sebastian wasn't shameless enough to claim that he didn't start most of them. Why should Kimi waste his time on him? He remembered screaming at Kimi to _just leave, leave like they did, never come back_ over and over again, shrieking the same words that he didn't mean whenever they were at each other's throats.

Kimi never left, Sebastian despised himself for letting the Finn care about him. His heart was a traitor.

"You don't think I know that?" Kimi rolled his eyes, the smallest of smiles gracing his lips. He looked relaxed, unbothered by the fact he was caressing Sebastian's face and toying with death. "I'm not stupid, I know what your Curse does."

"Then, _why?"_ Sebastian was confused. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"

Of all the people Kimi could fall in love with, he chose Sebastian. Poor, unwanted Sebastian, Cursed to never feel the warmth of another living soul ever again. All because he wanted to be _left alone._ Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"I don't know." Kimi shrugged, dropping his hand to his side. He lowered his gaze and was quiet for a few seconds before looking back up. "Go out with me, Seb."

 _No, no, no. What if I can't stop myself? What if I can't hold back? What if I give in to temptation? What if I_ touch _you?_

"I..." Sebastian couldn't maintain eye contact, he was going to crumble.

_No._

"Sebastian," Kimi murmured. It was unfair, how the mere utterance of his name shattered his resolution. He was accustomed to people calling his name timidly, not... not like this. Whatever this was. Intimacy? No, he lost the privilege to experience comforting closeness the instance he set foot on the forest floor.

_We shouldn't._

"It's okay." Kimi hushed him gently, he didn't even realize he was trembling from head to toe. Sebastian squeezed his eyes shut and inhaled sharply, the intensity of _want_ and _need_ overwhelming him. He wasn't familiar with these emotions, they were foreign to him. "Sshhh, it's okay."

_I can't._

"Seb, do you trust me?"

Sebastian was dangerous, being with him was dangerous. There was a reason why he refused to sit with his family at the dining table, why he ignored his brother's pleas to play with him, why he rejected the phone calls from his sisters, why he decided to pack his bags and put everything behind him the moment he turned eighteen.

"I trust you."

Kimi shouldn't be risking his life, he deserved better.

"Good. Trust me when I say, I want to do this. Okay?"

But Kimi didn't leave like they did, he stayed. When Sebastian took the bus to another town, he followed. Kimi countered his storm and quelled his rage with his calm, shielded him from the world when it was against him. Kimi persuaded him to let his family support him, to rebuild the relationships he'd severed. For a long time, Sebastian paid no attention to his advice.

"Trust me, Seb."

Maybe, it was time for a change. It wouldn't be easy, the road to redemption wasn't going to be smooth sailing. There would be tears, accusations, Sebastian was aware that letting his loved ones back in meant excruciating pain. The difference was he wouldn't be alone, not any more.

"Okay."

Sebastian couldn't touch Kimi, but Kimi still reached out to him all those years ago. And for that, he was going to try.

**Author's Note:**

> *retreats to the swamp i call my home*


End file.
